Humor

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."
"1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them."
"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."
"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"
"The story so far-In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."
"So many books, so little time."