"Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something."
"Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
"As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live."
"Families will not be broken. Curse and expel them, send their children wandering, drown them in floods and fires, and old women will make songs of all these sorrows and sit on the porch and sing them on mild evenings."
"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."
"For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and most of all, he saves food. Cherry tomatoes, sausage biscuits, the olives plucked from other people's martinis --he hides these things in strange places until they are rotten. And then he eats them."
"After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
"Writers will happen in the best of families."
"Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know."